Coaching 101: Your Top 5 Coaching Skills
Here are the top five communication skills every coach needs develop.
Getting Started as a Coach
So…What exactly is coaching?
Coaching is a set of highly effective communication skills used with purpose and intention. They are easy to identify but require practice and patience to master over time. The more often you use these skills in low-stakes conversations, talking with your friends over coffee or chatting with a colleague between meetings, the more comfortable you’ll feel accessing them when complicated situations arise.
Top 5 Coaching Skills
Coaching is a collection of deliberate communication moves you make throughout a conversation. While there isn’t a strict format you have to follow, every coach relies on five essential skills:
Listening
Coaches listen with the intent to understand. They use their detective skills to track themes, note changes in emotion, and hear beyond the spoken words. A coach’s primary focus is to hone in on what is at the heart of being said and hold space for the other person to explore their thinking more deeply.
Pausing
Silence can be deeply uncomfortable for many people - myself included - but it is a critical component of effective coaching. When you take time to pause during a conversation, it slows the pace of your coaching so you can be more thoughtful and deliberate in your response. Pausing tells the speaker their words are worthy of contemplation, and you are considering them with great care.
Reflecting
An expert coach holds the mirror steady, reflecting their understanding back to the speaker with purpose and specificity. A coach’s reflection highlights common themes, strong emotions, various perspectives, or notable connections. This is not a simple restatement of words, but an insightful refinement of what the speaker shares. Reflections get at the heart of the speaker’s words, ensuring they feel heard and understood.
Framing
A frame provides context for the speaker’s thinking. This could be a phrase, sentence, or series of statements used to clarify an issue. Framing can include additional information or background knowledge the speaker may want to consider. The primary purpose of framing is to help the speaker examine the broader context of their challenge as they delve into deeper mindwork.
Inquiry
Inquiry is the culmination of an effective coaching conversation. An effective coaching question has two primary qualities: it is open-ended and it is inviting. Open-ended questions elicit a range of responses instead of a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Likewise, inviting questions stimulate creativity and exploration, using plural language like, “What options might you consider?” or “What alternatives could be explored?”
Building a strong foundation in each of these skills will set you up for effective and impactful coaching conversations in the future.
So how do I start coaching?
It’s easy. Be on the lookout for coaching opportunities!
Hint: They’re all around you every single day.
When you’re talking with your neighbor about a concern they have, or your colleague vents about a project, or your child tells you about a problem with their friend…all of these are opportunities to practice your coaching skills.
Awareness is the first step toward growth. So when you notice your next coaching opportunity, try to bring your attention to these skills and practice using them with intention.
A Takeaway Question:
Which coaching skill do you want to keep in the foreground of your mind during your next coaching opportunity?