Not All Labels Are Meant to Stick
How I help my clients navigate their relationship with language...
What’s In A Name?
Imagine arriving at a meeting and seeing a set of name tags arranged on a table. You dutifully scan through them and realize your name is nowhere to be found. Maybe you shrug your shoulders and take a seat at a table, or perhaps you look for a blank label and make a name tag for yourself. But if someone insisted that you wear the wrong name tag, you would find that pretty odd. I’m guessing you would easily reject the wrong name tag without a second thought.
But this hypothetical exercise can feel a bit trickier when we are faced with labels other people try to “stick” on us. Finding ourselves in an unexpected or uncomfortable moment can make us question our instincts, especially when someone tries to label us in a way that doesn't feel right. Some emotionally charged words, like “bossy” or “lazy”, can catch us completely off guard. Whether it’s connected to a personal or professional connection, it can be uncomfortable to explore our relationship with language. This is where a coach's expertise in navigating discomfort becomes invaluable.
Fall in Love With Figurative Language
When I was still teaching high school English, one of my classroom walls was covered in colorful examples of figurative language, so using this approach in my coaching practice makes me feel right at home. If it’s been a while since your last English class, figurative language is simply using a word, phrase, or image to make a connection between two seemingly unrelated things. Sometimes I offer my clients metaphors to draw connections, symbols to represent key insights, or visualization exercises to provide more clarity. This creative approach helps my clients step outside of an intense emotion so they can speak from a place of clarity.
Figurative language allows us to look at a problem or situation from a completely different perspective. So when a client tells me that someone has described them in a hurtful or unfair way, this often leads to a deeper conversation about a word’s physical and emotional impact. By looking at a word from a neutral point of view, clients can uncover a wide range of emotions. This helps them decide how they want to view this word before figuring out what to do next.
Imagery Can Shift Your Perspective
A mental picture can dramatically impact your relationship with language. Let’s say someone says you’re “sensitive” and you initially feel like that is a rebuke about your ability to manage your emotions. You might imagine a label with the word sensitive written in black marker with angled letters that seem accusatory and judgmental. But after a deeper exploration into your relationship with this word, you might discover that you actually associate this word with someone who is empathetic and emotionally attuned. Grounded in this newfound insight, you might reimagine the word sensitive written in sparkly pink pen, surrounded by colorful swirls it to draw attention to itself. So, after carefully considering what a word means on a personal level, you get to choose to proceed with intention.
When clients come to me with concerns about how a family member or colleague talks about them, we spend time examining these words with great care. Once they have clarity about their emotional and physical relationship with this word, I might include imagery in our coaching session. Turning these words into tangible objects can soften their impact and empower the client to make an intentional choice. If they imagine a word or phrase written on a label, then they can decide if they want to wear it with pride, set it aside for further consideration, or toss it in the trash. When clients spend time exploring the meaning of a word and visualizing the act of either removing or keeping this label, they discover a more empowered relationship with language. They have agency in deciding how they view this word and what values they want it to represent.
Practicing Visualization
Here is an exercise you can use if you find yourself grappling with a word or phrase someone has tried to “stick” on you. Start by visualizing the word written on a label. Then take a moment to reflect on a few questions:
First, try to sit with the word until you get a clear picture in your mind.
When you think about seeing this word written down, what color comes to mind?
What other details do you notice (e.g., is it written in curly script or sharp angles)?
Then consider how this word makes you feel.
What emotions come up for you when you see or hear this word?
When you think about this word, what images or values come to mind?
Next, revisit your original mental image.
How might you change or reinforce the original image in your mind?
What connections or insights are you having about your relationship to this word?
Finally, consider what next steps you might take.
Taking your new insights into consideration, what action might you take next?
For example, a client might have an emotional response when they hear a colleague say they have become “pushy” in a new position. But after sitting with the emotions that come up and examining what this word represents, the client can reframe this word. Because they value advocating for their team, the clients might celebrate the fact that they “push” for the resources their team needs to succeed.
A Takeaway Question
What insights are you having about your relationship with language? Are there any labels you’re currently wearing that warrant further consideration?
For more free coaching tips, be sure to check out my Coaching 101 series, starting with Coaching 101: Your Top 5 Coaching Skills.
What wonderful advice for anyone.
This is a fantastic take on labels and words and shifting one’s mindset - I think this would be valuable for both coaches and clients to read. Thank you!