Responding Instead of Reacting

Diagnosing a sense of urgency will help you act with intention.

What’s the Rush?

Many of my clients find themselves overwhelmed by a relentless loop of tasks, timelines, and checklists. They describe these moments in life like a carnival game where targets randomly pop up, forcing them to frantically knock each one down as soon as it appears. This relentless pace leaves people feeling overwhelmed, as if they can never find time to fully catch their breath. A false sense of haste urges them to move forward, quickly! This feeling is a sign that they are in a reactive state. Instead of being anchored to their values and sense of purpose, they are reacting to whatever stimulus is directly in front of them.

If this feeling resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many of us find ourselves reacting instead of thoughtfully responding to various situations throughout the day, often without being aware that we have a choice in the matter. Sometimes, the best place to start is to notice when you feel rushed. The simple act of increasing your awareness will help you remember that you are in control, not your emotions. To help you start noticing this sense of urgency, here are some common moments when my clients find themselves in a reactive state:

• Replying to emotionally charged texts or emails in the moment

• Agreeing to a commitment before considering the impact

• Hurrying between errands or appointments without a break

• Making a decision without taking time to consider all the facts

The Mind and Body Connection

It’s true: your mind and body are deeply connected. Have you ever noticed that when you are in a calm and settled emotional state, your body feels more relaxed? But when you feel overwhelmed or stressed, muscles in your body can often feel tight. Your body clues you in on what is going on in your mind.

When my clients find themselves in a reactive state, their actions tend to be more impulsive or even erratic. All of a sudden, they find themselves rushing to make decisions. They hear themselves agreeing to commitments that are disconnected from their core values, leaving them with less time for more important priorities. People are hard-wired to act in ways that align with how they want others to see them. Because of this, we sometimes make impulsive choices that go against our own best interests. But once you become acutely aware of when you are in a reactive state, you can make a choice: How do I want to respond in this moment?

When I work with clients who are struggling with this hurried sensation, we spend time reflecting on the root of this feeling. Slowing down to diagnose the source of this urgency helps my clients catch their breath. Then they can decide how they want to respond to a situation more thoughtfully.

In these moments of awareness, slowing your breathing will help you feel more settled. I ask my clients to pause and take a moment to catch their breath, literally. Slowing their breath down creates a calmer frame of mind, making them more likely to respond to a situation with purpose and intention. Once a client settles into a responsive state, their actions will be more attuned to their core values and beliefs.

Diagnosing the Urgency

When I notice a client in a reactive state, I offer them a moment to reconnect with themselves so they can diagnose the source of the urgency they’re feeling in that moment. If you’re noticing yourself in a reactive state of mind, consider giving yourself some time to explore the following steps:

1. First, catch your breath. Literally, take a deep breath. Then another. And then one more. If you’re comfortable closing your eyes, that’s often helpful in letting your mind settle. Some people even find it helpful to place one hand on their stomach and another on their chest so they can feel the rise and fall of their body as they intentionally slow their breathing. Don’t be surprised if you’re flooded with emotions in this moment. When our minds are swirling, emotions are often clouded by rushing thoughts. Allowing your thoughts to settle often results in emotions floating to the surface for a moment of recognition. Just let your feelings come and go, imagining them like waves on the shoreline. When you feel fully settled and present with yourself, move on to the next step.

2. Then, sit for a moment to find the source of your emotion. Now that you’re feeling more at ease, ask yourself where the source of the urgency comes from. Is there a deadline you are required to meet? If so, is this deadline from an external source or is it self-imposed? If it’s external, is there any flexibility with the timeline? If it’s self-imposed, is there any flexibility you can offer yourself? Do you find that you’ve overcommitted yourself? If so, where are there opportunities for you to minimize your commitments or even politely step aside? In this calmer mental space, consider how to give yourself more grace, not only with the business of your schedule but also in the expectations you may have of yourself.
   Hint: One trick I often use with clients is to ask them what words of encouragement they would offer a dear friend. Then I ask them to offer those words to themselves. You’d be surprised how often we have more grace for others than we do for ourselves!

3. Finally, choose the best step forward for you. This is sometimes easier said than done. Once you’ve determined the extent to which you have some flexibility with a deadline or commitment, ask yourself what resources or supports might be helpful. While you may have been approaching this topic from a specific point of view, shifting your understanding of the issue can alter the feeling of urgency. Maybe that task doesn’t have to happen today? Perhaps there are other people or programs that might be able to offer some assistance? Rarely are we truly alone in solving a problem. So ask yourself how you can shift your perspective or tap into your network of colleagues or friends so you feel supported rather than isolated.

You won’t always have time to fully sit with your emotions, so sometimes the only thing you can do is the first step - catch your breath. If you continue practicing your awareness, over time you’ll notice patterns that emerge. Maybe there’s a task or commitment that continually leaves you feeling anxious. That awareness becomes information that will make you better at responding in the future.

A Takeaway Question

When do you notice yourself in a reactive state of mind? What commonalities are you noticing as you increase your awareness?

© 2025 Melinda Glowacki. All rights reserved.