The Art of Gentle Interruption
Sometimes interrupting someone is a necessary kindness.
A Delicate Intrusion
There are times when I’m coaching someone, and their words can’t seem to come out fast enough. All at once, a client is talking about financial pressures, family dynamics, career opportunities, and the general state of global affairs. They are practically overwrought by the number of thoughts simultaneously competing for their attention. These moments call for a coach’s artful interruption.
We are, all of us, surrounded by noise. Every day, we navigate a cacophony of information, a relentless barrage of visual and auditory stimulation. It’s no wonder that many of my coaching sessions begin with the other person simply trying to settle their senses and steady their thinking. This process can be smoother for some than for others. A skilled coach remains attuned to the nonverbal cues of the speaker, noting tight shoulders or clenched hands as a potential sign of a deeper inner struggle. In these instances, I make a point of interrupting the other person with empathy so they have a moment to gauge their thinking and refocus their intention.
Holding the Spotlight
In most social circles, interrupting someone else is frowned upon. It is viewed as a way of stealing someone else’s spotlight to shine it on ourselves. But in a coaching relationship, an artful interruption is an essential tool that affords the speaker a moment to gather their thoughts and quiet their mind. The coach pauses the speaker’s words while simultaneously steadying the spotlight squarely on the speaker’s thinking. In this moment of reflection, the coach gives the speaker a brief reprieve to catch their breath - sometimes literally as well as figuratively.
While interruption may feel uncomfortable to coaches as they begin to practice their craft, it is a critical skill to develop. Sometimes my interruptions are more or less direct depending on what the other person needs or what feels most natural in that moment. Some strategies you can use for interruption include:
Holding your hand up, gently and slightly closed
Lowering your eyes to break eye contact, looking slightly to the side
Saying, “Could I pause your thinking for a brief moment?”
Some clients will come to recognize their own moments of disregulated thinking and pause themselves mid-sentence, looking to me for some clarity through my reflection. My response after a pause will often ask the speaker to focus back on their thinking. I may ask them to consider the number of topics they’ve brought up and which one is most important. Other times, I may bring up the initial topic they suggested at the start of our session and ask if they want to continue focusing on that topic or shift to another topic that came up during their initial sharing. The purpose of the interruption is to bring the speaker’s awareness to their thinking and offer them an opportunity to intentionally choose a path forward. As their coach, I don’t choose for them. I offer an opportunity for reflection and create space for the speaker to set the course ahead.
To learn more about the skill of reflecting another person’s thinking, you may want to revisit my prior post on “Holding the Mirror Steady”.
Build a Partnership
Coaching is a partnership where a coach holds space for another person’s thinking. Therefore, this relationship must have an open and collaborative dynamic. If I’m working with someone newer to coaching, at the start of our first conversation, I let them know that there may be moments when I will offer to have them pause their words to ensure I’m understanding their thinking. Advising them about this strategy ahead of time helps prime them to expect moments of brief interruption and to see this as an intentional coaching move on my part. After I interrupt someone, I make sure to read their reaction and body language, staying attuned to their emotions so our coaching session remains constructive. When I’m opening and initial coaching conversation, my explanation typically sounds something like this:
“As a coach, my role is to walk alongside you on your journey toward self-discovery. You may notice that there are moments when I ask you to pause, momentarily, so I have an opportunity to reflect back some of what I’m hearing you say.”
I use interruption as sparingly as possible to ensure this remains a purposeful and impactful coaching technique. I don’t interject myself into a coaching conversation from a place of curiosity or self-interest. The purpose behind a coach’s interruption comes from a place of empathy and compassion, recognizing that the speaker may need a moment of reflection to unlock deeper thinking and gain further clarity around their challenge.
A Takeaway Question
What method could you use to gently infuse an interruption during your next coaching conversation?
For more free coaching tips, be sure to check out my Coaching 101 series, starting with Coaching 101: Your Top 5 Coaching Skills.