Coaching 101: Keep It Simple
Sometimes all you have to do is listen, pause, and reflect.
As I’ve said before, awareness is the first step toward growth. Coaching opportunities are all around you, so be mindful of informal opportunities to practice your new skills. Consider this past week. What coaching opportunities did you notice? When did you take advantage of a chance to test your skills? Stay on the lookout for coaching opportunities as they arise in your workplace or personal life. These don’t have to be lengthy interactions or overly structured conversations. The example below illustrates how simple it can be to use these coaching skills with intention so you can make a lasting impact.
Small Opportunities for Coaching
Coaching moments come up more often than you think, and once you begin to notice them, you’ll see how prevalent they are in your daily life. As an educator, the spring is a prime season for coaching. Many parents struggle with this season as it brings up shifting family dynamics for any student changing schools. For some, this is a welcome transition. In other families, this can be a fraught moment in time.
My colleague’s child decided on a new school to attend for the upcoming school year. While their child was confident in this choice, my colleague had reservations about this change and felt frustrated that the child wasn’t taking more time to wrestle with this significant life choice. They wanted to schedule another school visit, hoping it would evoke more thoughtful reflection, even though they acknowledged there wasn’t anything wrong with the child’s decision. Given my colleague's detailed and thoughtful approach to decision-making, I wasn’t surprised to hear their desire for the child to spend more time gathering additional information. Here is a summary of the brief coaching conversation we had informally between meetings:
I reflected, “You are always so thoughtful and deliberate when you make decisions, and you take time before drawing conclusions. It seems your child has come to this decision more directly, spending less time making a decision than you typically do. (Pause) It sounds like you would like your child to use a decision-making process that you find valuable, even though they’ve made a clear choice.”
My colleague’s eyes flew open as they smiled a sheepish grin. They heard my reflection for what it was meant to be, a moment to consider the situation from a more neutral perspective. Then they laughed and said, “I trust my child. I really do. I just want them to make the right choice, and I’m worried they’ll regret it if they don’t take more time to think it through. But they do seem very confident about this decision.”
As our conversation ended, we talked about the bitter-sweet challenges of raising our children to be independent, watching them grow up with a mixture of pride and a tinge of worry about what the future holds.
Insights From This Scenario
After listening to my colleague share their thoughts, I made an intentional choice about my reflection. I heard concerns about the way their child made a decision, and it was clear they felt the child made a wise choice. There was a disconnect between how they spoke about their child’s decision compared to the way they spoke about the way their child came about making the decision. I crafted my reflection to highlight this disconnect so they could consider it from a neutral lens. Was the issue with the decision or the process along the way? Was their insistence on scheduling another site visit because they didn’t trust the decision, or did they want another scheduled time to connect with their child?
During this interaction, I only relied on three coaching skills: listening, pausing, and reflecting. My colleague wasn’t coming to me to expressly address a worry or concern. It was an authentic moment between two friends where I could use my skills to help them gain another perspective on an issue. When we sat down for coffee a few weeks later, they told me how much they appreciated my comments and had taken them to heart. When they told their child there wouldn’t need to be another site visit, their child’s eyes lit up with gratitude.
Practice Makes Permanent
Consider these questions as you move into the coming week to heighten your awareness when the next coaching opportunity arises. If you need a refresher, reread some of the prior CoachED posts to brush up on your coaching skills:
Which coaching skill do you want to keep top of mind?
Which listening habits would you like to improve to stay attuned to the speaker?
How will you hold the mirror steady to give the speaker greater clarity?
Remember, your coaching will always be more effective than not coaching at all, so take advantage of the opportunities to practice your skills. The more often you practice, the more comfortable you will be when coaching moments arise.